one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
