Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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