that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
