someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize