Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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