omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you win again, gameday.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
pray to the hookup gods
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
