Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
