I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
