he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
