So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need water and some morals
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
