On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
