i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
