i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
