Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
