youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
