Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
