I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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