absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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