I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
