Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
