I feel great
I just peed on a car
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's never too late to be topless.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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