This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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