I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
