I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize