Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
