you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize