there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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