Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
