...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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