Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
