If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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