My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
