I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
