hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
