She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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