dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
