I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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