he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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