Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
