so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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