Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
