Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
