There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
