I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Im part way to drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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