I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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