1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
