is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
