pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
