i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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