oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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