I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
wow bdsm is so cute
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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