So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
