I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
