maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
