my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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