NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
