Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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