when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
