no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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