4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
